Reclamation #ProjectMe

Today I venture to Europe. 

I'm writing this blog post today from the airport, a surprisingly compfortable home away from home for me.

If you'd asked me 5 years ago what my opinion was of flying I would have told you that it scared me.  So surreal to be enjoying the compforts of this environment, amongst strangers.

Today I venture to Europe.  This will be my third time traveling abroad.  Can still remember the first like it was yesterday - too yesterday!  I was so afraid!!!  

I'm not sure why I went really - accept for my affinity for taking risk and seeking out adventure.  Looking back I can see how irresponsible pushing ones boundaries can be if the boundaries pushed are more about other people's expectations.  Pushing ones own boundaries is like listening to your body when working out or playing a Sport.  Only you can know what can be pushed, even with a coach or trainer testing your limits.

Today this trip is symbolic of reclamation.

It is a gift to myself, for myself & to fulfill my personal promise to live my life on my terms. 

Speaking of my terms: 

When planning 2014 I combed through my favorite things from the last 5 years including travel, writing, friendships, family, social media, networking, self pampering, achievements, learnings, moments of empowerment, goals set and the characteristics of sensuous islands of experience.  These islands included love, food, sights and the unknown.

This trip includes all of my favorite things ... it is a masterpiece and one of many many to come.  Expansion - it's my birthright.  

Millennials get it.  :)

Speaking of age: 

I recently read about happiness (of course) and how there is a U shaped curve in our lives.  In this research it was determined that (in the US in particular) there is a significant drop in happiness around 45 followed by an increase from there.  Of course, optimists tend to curb the curve better than pessimists - but regardless we all seem to go through it.

That being said I've began to evaluate what it is I really need over the coming decade to enjoy this part of the journey.  I certainly could travel abroad every year as part of my strategy - but I've wondered what the fundamentals are, the things I can make my foundation.

It's been in knowing so many wonderful people in their 40's and seeing their struggles first hand that I've realized trips are not enough, status is not enough & wealth is not enough ... as it turns out, what is "enough" for me is actually a "less is more" situation.

Now, part of this trip is about taking the time to refresh my personal vision for the coming 5-10 years and specifically setting my compass for 2015.

Here are the things I care most about right now.

- Relationships ... falling a little bit in love with the people I meet on my journey.  

- Family (biological & chosen members)

- Food Alchemy

- Starting Businesses & Business Partnerships

- Transforming the large company I am so madly and passionately in love with.

- Helping others of all ages & backgrounds ... especially if my heart is in it.

- Video Games & other forms of play.

- Creating & writing

- Self expression

- Health & Fittness 

- Making & spending money.

- Setting short & long term goals.

- Endlessly learning.

- Holding amazing boundaries.

- Valuing Authenticity above Happiness or Sadness/ Positivity or Negativity

- Seeing the world's possibilities vs problems; anticipating the "surprises", the "synchronicity".

- and of course ... serving to disrupt any status quo that has seen it's time.

Much of what's on this list can be experienced without travel, in fact most can be experienced within a small community, extending outward if equipped with wifi and a smart phone.  This is incredibly empowering in such a humble way.

Reclamation: 

Though this trip is about reclamation and is the "exclamation point" at the end of what feels like a 5 year sentence ... it's also an epic reset button and a whispered promise to return to what matters most.  It's taken quite a bit of learning and unlearning and self awareness to feel a shift towards reclamation and genuinely be feeling it happen.

Looking forward to expressing this journey without reservation and with authenticity.

In my world, a vacation is never just a vacation and there's no such thing as coincidence and every single step taken is divine ... fucking beautifully & deliberately actualized in concert with my highest potential - something I believe is already here with me right now & can't ever be taken away.  <3

Out and Equal and Balancing the Alphabet Soup #ProjectMe

Out and Equal 2014

Sitting in the Hummingbird Garden behind the Mark Twain Hotel in San Francisco after attending the 2014 Out and Equal Confrence, reflecting on the workshops and experiences of the week.  

This year the conference broke their attendance record with over 3000 LGBTQIA professionals attending from over 28 countries.  Last night at City Hall the San Francisco Mayor declared November 5th as Out and Equal Day in San Francisco.  It was a beautiful event alive with the energetic buzz of the best and brightest professional talent blazing the trails of workplace equality and in turn making our world a place where people can thrive regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identification. 

Gay Is Changing for the Better? 

As I walked the beautiful City Hall and did a bit of people watching I could not help but notice the diversity present amongst the Gay men in particular, and more specifically the attitudes and energy.  There is a genuine shift taking place, one where younger gay men really are beginning to carry themselves as though being gay was neither a struggle nor a challenge.  Part of me feels so happy about this.  I am 35 years old and still remember learning what I could about what it meant to be gay through films, often portraying tragic stories of persecution and struggles to find love.  

http://m.totalfilm.com/features/50-best-gay-movies#next

I'm from that last generation of gay men before Will & Grace, before smart phones, when gay guys self medicated to put their guilt and shame on hold long enough to stumble through fleeting connections in gay bars - trying not to hurt one another, desperate to belong, to be loved ... and of course to get laid.

Now a days gay men can take a monthly pill to prevent HIV, connect  through location based apps, get married and be their fabulous selves in just about every major city in the US.  I can actually say that being Gay has helped advance my career, and I work for a 200 year old financial services company.  It's all so beautiful!  

Was chatting with a new friend Tim Bennett, Focus Group Radio, about the significant and empowering shift taking place and how it's dramatically impacting the way companies even market to gay men over the age of 35 vs younger.  "Younger gays just don't have to deal with the same struggles." - said Tim.

Last night I chatted about this topic with my friend Ron Puccini, TD Bank Canada, and this topic came up again. We wondered if this new era of empowerment would breed entitlement or if the younger generation of gay men would actively look for the next group of oppressed people and pay what they've been given forward?  

Someone at the Confrence this week loosely joked that LGBTQIA was becoming an "alphabet soup", asking "when will it end?"

I found this to be an interesting question.

Authenticity is the New Black

One of the primary buzz words of the day is Authenticity!

For many younger gay men, authenticity is beginning to mean "shine without permission" and for many other gay men authenticity still means "limit your shine out of self preservation".

Gay men within these various camps speak different languages and struggle with very different things.  One 24 year old gay friend of mine is very concerned about having the right shoes for a coming event and another 41 year old gay friend is wondering why groups of gay men still give him so much anxiety.

To be authentic is to be yourself, in all situations.

To me that means the Gay community should honor our most fabulous and oppressed expressions and everything in between as a reflection of who we are.  

Someone recently asked me - "what if all emotions are equal and the only reason we don't see this is because someone somewhere said certain ones are better than others?"

I loved this question because it means that those carrying the shameful Gay journey simply handed the bouton to those carrying the empowered Gay journey - and yet the journey would not exist without both and having both may have been necessary.

Look at what has been achieved in my lifetime alone!  Perhaps the suffering and oppression gave way to epic and unstoppable super powers in enough people to actually disrupt and change the global LGBTQIA status quo.  

My good friend Greg Arthur in South Africa is a gay man advocating for stigma neutrality.  I adore what he stands for and feel this is very important as we pass the gay bouton along from generation to generation.  HIV is part of our collective journey, along with lost employment, incarceration, bullying, persecution, murder, fabulous cloths, beautiful bodies, manscaping, riots, promiscuity & marriage, achievement & suicide, art & business, self expression & quiet introversion, etc.  No one flavor of being gay has a patent on what it means to be gay and to explore what it means to be gay is liken to exploring the world's floral varieties.  Various flowers come into favor or are preferred in different situations for different reasons.  No one flower trumps them all.

We are human first!

All LGBTQIA individuals are human.  That means we all have very similar needs.  This "alphabet soup" is simply an example of how incredibly different human beings can be when it comes to meeting their needs.  No one letter or emotion associated with the journey stands out as better or worse to me, including those within this soup feeling like they are better or worse than others.  It's all an expression of the ride.

I have decided to honor the whole LQBTQIA kit and caboodle ... and to allow what that teaches me to expand my ability to understand the kit and caboodle of groups outside of the LGBTQIA community. 

So to the question "when will it end?", my answer is an enthusiastic "NEVER"!  

Equality Begins Within

Another common theme amongst gay men in particular is a request that we be kinder to one another.  As we gain more and more power in the world we now face challenges associated with power and prestige and the pursuit of both as individuals.  It will be the younger and more "entitled" gays likely to carry this next bouton.  There's a feeling amongst people I talk to that gay is "norming" within our own community to form a status quo and it's one that seems to be driven by achievement and status and in a way that could divide us.  

The LGBTQIA journey has been one of understanding, accepting and trying to coexisting amongst one another followed by then asserting that equal coexistence to the world at large.  Let us not forget that it started on our insides as we struggled with understanding ourselves and all of our emotions - allowing those to equally coexist first.  Then we had the audacity to feel equal to others and assert it.  I hope we don't loose that!  

To me, being gay is to feel guilt, shame, success, attraction, desire, fabulous, glamorous, suppressed, empowered, angry, liberated, compassionate, judgmental, unhealthy, worthy, beautiful, dirty, scandalous, strong, brilliant, rebellious, entitled, loved, hated, spiritual, misunderstood, proud and many many other very human feelings.  

These represent a personal alphabet soup and they all have had their place as they continue to pass the bouton to one another along my journey.  It's in honoring each that I am able to be authentic and to embrace the authenticity of others.  This is the magic of being gay and our gift to the world.  Equality is not about eliminating these feelings for the generations to come - or making one of them better or worse than another.  Equality is about ensuring each is equal and in balance.  That is why Pride is important because Pride was once overpowered by shame and needed reclamation within us.

Balancing Our Human Nature

In a world where humans are all equal, the complete kaleidoscope of human emotion has it's place to be felt and expressed with authenticity.  It's about having that balance within, respective to all of who we are.

To me that is not about being happy or sad or positive or negative - it's about taking a closer look inside and feeling all of my emotions working together and in balance with one another, recalibrating as the world changes around me.

How can we create a world where all humans can do that successfully?  

I don't know the answer but I do know there is a lot within the LGBTQIA journey that can be leveraged and learned in pursuit of it.  I hope those who receive the bouton next understand the opportunity they have.  

Expansion is Your Birthright #ProjectMe

We are meant to continuously expand.

When people project their own fear of expanding onto you, it may come across as criticism, judgement or even rules - often imposed with a demeaning or condescending tone.  Situations like this usually include one person using the words "you" or "your" instead of "I" or "my".  

Where does this come from?  Many will argue that it comes from underlying feelings of not being good enough but I don't always agree.

I think the root cause is our goal oriented culture.  From the very beginning of life we are indoctrinated with the belief that expansion does not happen unless it is quantified and a specific target is achieved that is recognizable by others as a measure of success.

When a toddler begins to crawl and ultimately walk they are not motivated by a desire to walk, they are motivated by a desire to expand - to be themselves.   It is the adults in the room cheering in response to a first step who add significance to that moment.  It's not really about the baby - it's about them.  The baby is simply enjoying the process of expanding.  We continue on to add meaning to the first hair cut, grades in school, drivers licenses, college degree, marriage, financial gain and business outcomes.  Everything is being measured by standards outside of ourselves and in ways that are recognizable achievements by others.

This is a huge flaw in our system and a reflection of a society measuring in ways that make sense to primarily to the brain.

There is a radically different experience and intention happening within a person is marrying for love vs. marrying for accomplishment (which I'm not saying either of these is right or wrong by the way).

I'll never forget the moment a man told me he loved me in Tuscany.  This was not the goal.  Neither of us planned on it happening or even knew we would have ended up there.  It was the result of a unique practice and process of opening up on both our parts.  We were surprised by the outcome!

As it turns out, surprise is key!

 

Be your own observer.

When you hit an internal measure of expansion, your reaction is not humble - it is outright visceral.  I don't know of anybody who's ever had amazing mind-blowing sex and said "I am so humbled by this opportunity and I'd like to thank my fans".  No way - it's a skipping that last for days and suddenly everyone around is asking you why you look so happy.  

You'll know you've hit an important personal expansion when you find yourself saying "I didn't know I could feel that way".

This is because the outcome, or shall I call it "income", is a result of a personal process, a discipline or a focus that you've put energy into for a period of time & completely lose yourself to it.

An artist may have this relationship with their art or a student this relationship with learning about a topic they love.  The art piece selling for $5000 or the A+ on the test is the delightful outcome of a process they both were already enjoying.  If this is happening, it is expansion.  If the goal is to sell a piece for $5000 or get an A+ on a paper and the steps being taken to get there are not enjoyable, then the effort could be limiting.

There is an easy way to tell if someone is not connected to their purpose actually, and we see it all the time!  It's what I call the "numb humble" or "aggressive graceful" acceptance of an award or outcome.

Go back to that baby.  If left to their own space of expansion, the whole curious process of reaching up, pulling one's self up and walking is exciting.  Then once up on their feet, and to their surprise, they spy a crayon sitting on the table and they grab it.  The excitement and the joy in their face at this point is pure bliss - there is nothing humble about it.  Expansion is not humble - it is emotional and endlessly leaving you in a state of wonder about the world.  

If I had a baby old enough to begin walking, I'd intentionally leave all kinds of things to discover at standing eye level and I'd sit back and watch their natural process of crawling, walking and then the joy of discovering.  My home video would be their delights and surprises as they explored new levels of expansion.  Later in life I'd show them this video as a reminder of their authentic expansion and not a smiling face responding to a room full of clapping adults.  Kids who do things for clapping adults grow up to do the "numb humble" or "aggressive graceful" acceptance speech.  This is because you can't be expanding if you are achieving to please others.


It's not the applause of others that helps you expand - it's your purpose, your process and your curiosity. 

If you're doing what you do for others then it is others who are the primary "observer" in your life and therefore controlling your life.  If these others truly want to see you expand - then that might not be such a bad thing.  But being your own "observer" and maintaining a personal desire to expand is all you need get started.

When I work with people on how to connect to their expansion my process is very hands off.  I teach them how to trust themselves, how to create their own process and how to identify their personal trail of delights and surprises with playful curiosity.

I also teach them how to see others as mirrors and how to allow mirrors to teach expansion or help identify barriers to expansion.  Sometimes I teach them how to play with smoke and mirrors as a way to see through the people in their lives.  

For example, If you suddenly receive applause, look at who's clapping and what they are teaching you about yourself.  It may seem counter intuitive to observe who is clapping vs. smiling at the clapping but if you know what the audience is mirroring it will make that experience that much more rewarding.

If you suddenly start to achieve results or societally recognized millstones of achievement, take a look at who show up and what they teach you.  It can tell you if the result or the milestone was authentic expansion or a sabotaging limitation.

Most importantly - you don't have to worry about achieving your goals if you are in love with your process.  Your goals are simply the rudder in the water setting your direction from behind the ship - they are not the process of sailing, the joy of sailing or the reason you are sailing.

Expansion is the reason you are sailing and expansion is your birthright!  Everything in nature grows, all on it's own, unless it has limited resources, becomes sick or dies.  Humans are no different.  



The importance of establishing your own process. 

It's perfectly ok to copy what works from others when creating a life expansion process.  It's also perfectly fine to seek out experts in areas you want to work on.  What is working for others (or "best practices") along with expert opinions are, however, simply training wheels.

Other forms of training wheels include technology, trackers and even data.

None of these are part of sustainable expansion unless they are keeping up with your expansion or are preferred tools within your personal process.

For example, I rarely follow a recipe in the kitchen but at first I did.  I may still follow a recipe if I take on a new ingredient or a new cooking technique but it is always with the intent ultimately making it my own.  This is because I have chosen cooking to be an expression of my heart and my head and a reflection of my continuous expansion.  I don't use timers but I do, however, use knives and have decided to keep those as tools within my personal cooking process.  This is what I mean by finding your own process.  

If you must follow an exact process, or a practitioner, or even a therapist, find one that genuinely works to liberate you from their process and into a stage of expanding on your own.

The same holds true for leveraging technology, an app or even data.  

Remember the saying "teach a man to fish ..."?  Well this applies to everything!

Those who truly master their crafts work to eliminate the need for their current contributions and in doing so expand into completely new and yet to be created contributions - in an essence they have embraced their state of expansion.

This is why credentials are not always effective and can sometimes be limiting.  I once worked with a Paralegal who insisted he did not need to learn anything else because he was a "Paralegal".  In this case he went through the process of earning a credential to justify and express his fear of expanding.  
An awesome specialist, doctor, teacher, mentor, leader, therapist, practitioner, parent, prophet, sage, coach, consultant or politician will not leave you dependent upon them and will not stop expanding.

And remember that anyone who imposes their limits on you is projecting their own fear of expansion. You don't have to wear it, though I do encourage honoring personal boundaries.  That's how we all expand together safely.  :)  

2015 #ProjectMe

The end of the year is around the corner and the process of creating a personal vision for next year is already churning within me.

Last year I adopted an extraordinary pattern of self care for this process and outlined 10 steps to writing a vision in this blog for Blogging4Jobs.com.

This year I'm putting my process in one place - right here - and it's received a few upgrades.

Steps to Writing A Vision for The Year Ahead 

1. Get off the wheel.

Last year this meant take some time off, which I did, and spent time at home.  But at the time I did not entirely like my home and was feeling way to isolated to isolate for this process.  This year I am surrounding myself with people and traveling to Europe for 3 weeks to write my vision.

2. Put extra effort into self care.

Im not sure how to do this in Europe but will figure it out.  The general eat healthy, get enough sleep, exercise and be very mindful of the energy I allow around me will all be in scope. 

3. Get up early and go inside. 

Leverage any preferred technique to go inside (meditation, yoga, bath, incense - what ever).  For me this is not about stopping thought or feeling or controlling either.  It's about observing both and becoming more aware of what's in there.  All of what's in there both delightful and difficult.   

4. Reflect on 2014 & everything experienced.  Evaluate the prior year vision and any specific goals.  

While in a quiet place I ask myself a lot of question to see what comes up.  I ask myself how I feel, what I liked, what I didn't like and what parts of my prior vision felt on par with what I had intended and what parts should have been better articulated.  I ask what parts of the vision would have been better of being free'd up to be more of a flow vs. pinned down into steps I execute and vice versa.  I also ask myself tough questions about things I did not deliver on and really listen to what comes up.  Im both empathic and compassionate but also very direct and brutally honest if necessary. 

5. Write the vision for the coming year.  Establish goals where appropriate. 

In the past I've put a lot of emphasis on SMART goals and I still find value in these relative to efforts that need sustaining.  What I've realized, however, is that to reach well beyond your status quo you need to go deeper than SMART goals and you need to step outside of analysis.

My process this year will begin by imagining how I want to feel by the end of 2015.

This feeling will tell me where will need to place greater focus in life.  I'll then imagine a series of circumstances around me in order to support this feeling.  Then I'll imagine a few alternatives to each of the circumstances and pick an A, B & C path to the feeling I want to feel.  The process Ill be using to is known as Appreciative Inquiry.   

Once I know the potential paths I will catalog the skills I will need to learn to walk down them outline how to learn these skills by using SMART goals.  For me, continuous learning is my status quo so attaching SMART goals to learning new skills is about sustaining vs. disrupting.  

Next I stand from this imagined destination at the end of 2015, then as that person I turn around and look back at my present self.   This is where I become honest about what I need to UNLEARN in order to get there.  What needs to be unlearned is then added to the list using SMART goals.  Again, unlearning is also part of my status quo.  It may take a whole year dedicated to continuous learning and unlearning as foundational before stepping into this level of visioning for yourself.   

Lastly I establish a ritual that will connect me to my vision only this time I will connect deeply with my end of year feeling and measure progress with my heart before I check off milestones or account for actions taken and decision made that day.  Many people use vision boards as their ritual and if that works for you, that's great.  Personally - I hate them.  My ritual is signature and proprietary. 

6.  Remind yourself of your super powers and how they can be used for both good and evil.  

At this point in life I have cataloged 12 distinct super powers that I can consistently deliver or combine for any situation.  By super power I don't mean skill - I mean super power.  These are gifts that I was born to wield in this lifetime.  They have come naturally and intuitively and the skills and knowledge I learn only serves to further enhance them.  There is no degree in being you and there is no end to developing your super powers.

Some of these super powers are better served being played proactively and some do well in a pivot or a mess.  I have come far enough to know that each of my powers can be and have been used for destructive purposes in the past and that using their dark sides is perfectly fine - especially if this is a conscious choice.  I'll pair up my powers to my vision both in ways that will help create what I need to create and destroy what I need to destroy to achieve my outcome.  All of me gets to play a part in my purpose and I absolutely love this about my life.

7. On the 7th day - I'll rest.  :)

Good luck in 2015 to everyone!  May you create the best year of your life in what ever way those words make sense to you - uniquely you.

Cam 

Authenticity * 'Self disrupt' * Do Epic Shit

The Hunter in Emotional Landscapes #ProjectMe

A Trophic Cascade  

Have you ever heard the story about how wolves changed the course of rivers in Yellowstone National park?  If not, pause a moment to watch this video above.

When wolves were introduced in 1995, after being absent for 70 years, the numbers of deer had become out of control.  They ate all of the vegetation.  When wolves were introduced to reduce the number of deer they turned out to have an even greater impact.  

• Deer avoided parts of the park where they could be trapped by wolves.  In these areas trees regenerated and became forests.
• Birds began to move into the park.
• Beavers began to increase and build dams.
• These dams increased biodiversity.
• Wolves killed Coyotes and small mammals began to increase.
• Birds of prey increased.
• The number of bears increased.
• The regenerated forests stabilized the soil and erosion patterns, causing the rivers to meander less, narrow their channels and form more pools. 
• In short, the wolves changed the rivers. 

Positivity Prey  

Let's say for a moment that my thoughts and beliefs are the animals within my emotional landscape. Let's say that the forest and vegetation represent my judgement and the soil is my inspiration or motivation.  Lastly, lets say the rivers are my energy - or ability to create.  

Now lets say I was to focus entirely on positive thinking and optimistic beliefs, in fact let's consider these types of thoughts and beliefs to be my inner deer.  

If I only feed the positive thoughts they will eat all of the vegetation, in other words skew my judgement, and the richness of who I am will never fully express itself.  

Unfortunately this would limit what I can experience.  Reality is not always positive and my reaction to some experiences could be self betrayal if coated with a sliver lining.  Some of the things that happen need difficult emotions in order for me to be honest with myself and to change the pattern.  

For example; if someone is lying to me I might risk keeping them in my life if I don't call bullshit.  I could actually end up lying to myself to avoid the difficult experience of calling bullshit.  Or let's say I had a boss that did not respect me.  I might continue to work for that type of boss if don't allow myself to get fed up.  Being angry about what is going on in life feels valid sometimes.  Being depressed feels valid sometimes.  Being sad feels valid sometimes.  Having a park full of positivity deer is like not allowing my entire self to exist and this feels disempowering.  It makes my landscape begin to dull and my rivers (or energy) to meander and erode my soil (inspiration) away, especially if I'm not genuinely feeling positive.   

Reintroducing a Predator

Let's say in this example that the wolf represent actions I can take or decisions I can make.   A pack of wolves do not need to eat all of the deer.  I am not saying that one should eliminate the positivity deer completely.  What I am saying is that positivity is not a silver bullet.  I am also not saying that one should flood the park with wolves.  Remember that simply having wolves had a radical effect on Yellowstone.  Place a pack of wolves (the ability to take action or make decisions) into the park and allow them to hunt thoughts or beliefs that do not serve one's highest potential or purpose.  Then get super curious about what to hunt today :)

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

Decisions about what thoughts and beliefs to kill can be difficult but nowhere as difficult as what happens in reality when I do not honor my big bad wolf.  If I reject my inner wolf, I no longer see the wolves in my real life.  I may even attract them.

Some people are an emotional landscape full of wolves - the opposite of a landscape full of deer.  In this example their biodiversity is not only devoid of positivity but also love, compassion, empathy and many of the other important parts of a balanced emotional landscape.  Their wolves have fed on everything they have and now they need to feed on others.

To them, I am a delicious deer if Ive suppressed my wolf.  Fuck that!  (Notice I did not say "Fuck Them".  There could be a totally valid reason they are all wolf.  Everybody is doing the best they can.)   

Training the Wolf to Hunt

Deciding where a wolf should reside in the park is the first step.  Here are some personal tips:

1. Look for where you are triggered by other people.  
2. Accept the emotions you are feeling as valid and become curious about why they are there.
3. Question what thoughts or beliefs fuel the root cause of these emotions within you.
4. Begin to hunt those thoughts and beliefs.
5. Take action, make a decision - make a kill. 

Here are some examples from people I have worked with in the past and one of my own (I won't tell you which is which). 

Example 1

1. I can't feel happy for people when they talk about what makes them happy.
2. I have a hard time feeling happy for others because Im not happy.
3. I believe that I have to work really hard in order to feel happy.
4. I just noticed that I feel happy when I get up early and nap mid day.  
5. Im going to do that for myself every day for as long as it makes me happy. 

Example 2

1. I hate it when people text constantly instead of just picking up the phone and calling me.
2. I feel like I'm unheard by the people in my life.
3. I believe I have to respond to texts with texts and as often as I get them. 
4. I just noticed that I enjoyed a great conversation when I ignored someone's text and picked up the phone to call them instead.
5. Im going to let texts I receive throughout the week help me decide who I want to call each weekend. 

Example 3

1. It bothers me when people I know give me things.
2. I feel like I am in debt to them.
3. I believe strictly in reciprocity. 
4. I just noticed that if I stand in front of a closed door in public long enough a complete stranger will open it for me.
5. Im going to do this all the time to remind myself that accepting kindness from others without imposing an expectation on myself that I give something back is perfectly fine. 

Photo from Inspiration Point: 9000 foot elevation: Utah

The Balanced Emotional Landscape 

A balanced emotional landscape is chaotic up close but seems beautifully balanced from a distance.  It means that from moment to moment one's weather can change, biodiversity is in flux and the landscape is rich with all sorts of thoughts and feelings that don't have to be meddled with.  

I like to let it be.    

What's happening here is realistic.  Allowing thoughts and feelings to run their course is how to become aware of deer migration patterns.  One will need to know that for your wolves to feed where intended.

And a pack of wolves will need to feed every day - for as long as you are alive so might as well enjoy the hunt and the kill. 

But hey, having a small pack of wolves in the park'l do.     

"The Secret"here, is not to focus only on the positive.  "The Secret" is to hunt the thoughts and beliefs that do not serve you, to kill them and then to do something without that limitation afterwards.

Cam 

• Authenticity 
• Honor All of Who You Are
• 'Self disrupt' & Do Epic Shit

The Pied Piper's Tune #ProjectMe

C Sharp is for Charisma 

Cognitive dissonance is the act of trying to live two conflicting imagines in one's head.

For me, cognitive dissonance surfaces with I do not balance charisma with character.  I believe you can have both and working to give them both a place to shine, or even better to work together, is like walking a tight rope - it requires practice and skill and there is always risk.

My charisma is that magical pied piper in me that can rally large groups of people to venture down some new path of possibility.  But we all know how that story ends, and it's not very pretty.

I remember reading that tale as a child and asking myself - what if the pied piper had used his magic for good?

As an adult I find myself continuously trying to understand what "doing the right thing" means and in situations that continue to expand in complexity.


C Flat is for Character 

The only way to trust a character like like the pied piper is to know his strength of character.  As it turns out, this is the only way for me to trust myself as well.

The word character is from Greek and it means to chisel or engrave.  Character is not something you are born with, it is something you work on throughout your life and as life unfolds.  Forging strength of character is an art and while there are many opinions out there about what having strong character means, having character is very often associated with having integrity.


Integrity Is How You Play 

To me, integrity is about being in alignment with my authentic self.  This then makes the pursuit of authenticity a simultaneous pursuit of character, so long as I am showing up authentically.

Recently I read the book Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box.  I recommend it.  The concepts are simple and easy to understand, it is a quick read.

In this book there is an emphasis on understanding self betrayal from a business perspective and outlines the following 7 steps to landing yourself "In the box".

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of "self betrayal".
2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
3. When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted.
4. So - when I betray myself, I enter the box.
5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
6. By being in a box, I provoke others to be in the box.
7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification.  We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.

Now, you'll have to read the book to benefit from the wisdom shared relative to getting out of the box. But what I want to say here is that being "out of the box" is critical to fulfilling my purpose.  That is why it is so important for me to 'self disrupt' when I am in one and that begins with and depends on the way I am behaving towards others.  

You Can Suck My Flute 

One key learning has been that pleasing people is different from empowering people, and that for me to try to please all the time is actually an act of "self betrayal" and a fast pass to my box of cognitive dissonance.  The same thing happens when I try to please myself all the time too.   

So long as I am focused on empowering myself and others, I feel wonderful.  Even when empowerment means having tough conversations and addressing integrity head on.  If you're coming at me with the expectation that I please you or a desire to be pleased, you can 'Suck My Flute'!

The stress associated with living out of integrity with one's self or managing a state of cognitive dissonance adds up very quickly - it ages you faster.  And if you don't know how to get right with yourself you can find yourself swirling down the path of regrets.  

Honesty and integrity are actually quite rare.  I think there is a correlation with our youth obsessed, body & image culture.  It's a mask over something profoundly deeper, a deep craving for integrity and the return of innocence lost.  But this is tragic ... and it's all about perspective!  

Signs of Character Are Instrumental! 

Going back to the word character and it's origins.  I see the chiseled and engraved marks of wisdom on the faces of people, the experience in their eyes, the grey in their hair ... I see all of these as hallmarks of character forged through a lifetime of falling into and breaking out of boxes.

I find these traits to be so attractive and inspiring ...  on both men and women.    

It takes a constant effort and focus to be honest with yourself and with others as life changes.

You need people around you who can be honest with you as you take risks, make leaps, back peddle, pivot, stop and then suddenly go ... everybody has to be ok with all of this amidst all of the chaos.

Here's another book I loved called 'Say Yes To the Mess - Surprising Leadership Lessons from Jazz


Allow me to back peddle, pivot and change my tune a moment.  

In a prior blog post I wrote; "Here I am in my mid-30's and my biggest fear is how fearless I am becoming. Not the defiant "I am invincible" fearlessness of my youth.  I mean the realization that I can do anything I want and disrupt anything I want.  It's all fair game!"

After reflecting on that statement and journaling about fear I realized it was not entirely true.

A mentor once told me that courage is not about being fearless, it is about fearing the right thing at the right time for the right reason.  When I journaled more about fear I discovered I feared a lot.   But it wasn't what I thought it would be.  I do not fear skydiving or speaking on camera or getting up in front of an audience and talking about vulnerable feelings.

I fear believing I am helpless & not living up to my potential, I fear not making the most of every opportunity or helping others make the most of theirs,  I have anxiety about making appearances more important than reality and wonder if I go to far at times.  I worry if Im communicating effectively and whether or not I am helping the people who depend on me be their best.  I am afraid of being blind sided by the unexpected in a way that cripples me or the people who trust me.

Being data driven helps and seeking out facts and feedback helps but having strength of character is sometimes about measuring with your gut and your heart.

That being said I realized I needed an updated selfie of my soul and one that reflects these fears (pictured above).


Middle C is for Curiosity 

This blog post was inspired by a question from a fan.

The question was; "How do you maintain your innocence in life?"

Even though I have fears and run the risk of cognitive dissonance if I don't walk the tight rope of charisma & character, even though I can fall into boxes like anybody else - there is one note in this pied piper's tune that keeps everything aimed towards something good in the long run.

Curiosity!

"Remembering that you are going to die one day is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. Follow your heart." - Steve Jobs

If you could take a selfie of your soul would you post it? #ProjectMe

Perspectives  

We all have a different perspective.  What is true for you and true for me can be very different and yet, still true.  This is one of the reasons I generally rebel against anyone attempting to pin their truth on me.  It’s important to me that I take complete responsibility for my truth and speak it authentically.  This is one of my core values and seeing as how no one of us is exactly the same, embracing a personal truth is (to me) an ultimate expression of self love.  Outrageous as it may sound .. loving myself is a major priority and, from my perspective, does not have as much to do with ego as one might imagine.

Here's why:  

I don’t feel any desire to change anyone’s beliefs or to convince others to see the world exactly my way.  Doing this would be disrespectful in my opinion.  I trust people with their own truths and enjoy learning from all the different ways people see their worlds.  If I wanted my truths to be your truths - that would be all about my ego, from my perspective.

My Truth: 

What lies in my heart is a constant pursuit of questions.  Honestly, any answer I land upon will change.  I don’t really know anything other than how I feel and what my gut tells me at any given point in time.  Even with data and analysis I still go with my heart.  

Everything I ever say should automatically come with a disclosure.  It would go something like this:

"The words I am about to say are based on my current truth and are subject to change as new questions arise and the pursuit of new questions ensues."  

For example; the world was once believed to be flat.  Science proved the world to be round and yet today, with our connected global economy it is perceived to yet again be - flat. This is all about perspective.  In fact, I connected to a number of people in multiple countries this week all while sitting in a bath tub.  So, in that moment and from my perspective the world was in my bathtub.

Not Being True to Me Makes Me Miserable:

I find that I am miserable when I think I know something to be an absolute truth for everyone!  And I am so happy when I just own my personal values and remain curious about everything else going on - or, going in (laughs for a moment)! 

As it turns out, this way of being started very very young.  Spending time with my family in Utah has surfaced a lot of old memories.  One that comes to mind, and one of my oldest, is relevant to my Mormon upbringing. 

I remember reciting the words “I believe this church is true” around the age of 5 or 6.  I also remember saying it to please and to belong and because everyone else was saying it.   But I have a distinct memory of being very young and questioning - how can I really “know”?  I see now that this memory holds the key to one my very first personal betrayals, a pattern I would later suppress and ultimately have to surface and integrate by doing a lot of shadow work.

Questions vs Knowing.  

For what ever reason - questions are the key to my heart and when I am being authentic and true to myself, I am chewing on a very very delicious question.  Despite being raised in a culture of “knowing” I did my damnedest to ask a lot of questions, test a lot of boundaries and disrupt quite a bit of the status quo growing up.  Sometimes this was enlightening to family and friends and other times it was very inconvenient.  Ask my parents to describe me as a child and they will tell you I had a way of seeing the world differently, constantly having to learn and explore and could speak in terms of concepts or paradigms early on.

I can distinctly remember the first time my Father introduced me to the concept of 'infinity'.  It tickled so wonderfully to try and imagine that concept.  I remember laughing, opening my mouth and letting out a noise as my little brain delighted over it. 

In Junior High and High School I refused to see “clicks” and befriended lots of different kinds of people.  With each person I met I let myself learn something and disrupted myself as I went along.  My hair, cloths, music, perspectives, adventures, etc..   At the time I remember feeling so comfortable doing this.  It was like I was seeking out my identity ... my purpose.  

Later in life when it came time for me to leave my family, I followed my heart and pursued a number of deeply personal questions.

It makes me very warm inside to realize that I’ve been following my heart all my life and might actually be at 10,000 hours of doing this.  Taking leaps and trusting my brain to figure things out as I go, trusting that something bigger will take care of me, trusting I will meet the right people and everything will work out ok in the end.  I have been self disrupting again and again and again for close to two decades.


And - I fail.  I fail a lot!  

When I fail I often battle shame and guilt and blame myself.  However, this is getting much easier.  

I remember struggling so much with guilt and shame growing up that I would try to mask and hide it.  I learned to bury feelings of shame and guilt below a layer of performed optimism and faking that nothing was wrong.  

Nothing in my life has sucked more than facing this and integrating it.  NOTHING!

I was exposed to a lot of different perspectives when it came to doing "shadow work".  Unfortunately, many of those perspectives were pushed towards me as "truths".  This meant I'd have to rebel and seek out my own way.  Discovering your own path towards shadow integration is very very hard!


What worked for me was to design a set of questions and to fall down each one like a rabbit hole.

Questions like - “Who would you be if you made shame your friend?”  “Who would you be if you integrated deeply personal failure as an advantage just like business failure?”  “Who would you be if you loved yourself no matter what, and I mean even if you act like a dick and piss people off?”  “What would you do with your life if you no longer had to put energy into hiding guilt and shame?”  "If you could make an art out of expressing guilt and shame - what would that look like?"  "Could you make money turning guilt and shame into art, thereby giving you an incentive to express it?"  

These questions were fun, but they forced me to look into the dark corners of my life and to really own what I found there.  With each thing that surfaced my life became more turbulent and I’d occasionally get a major sucker punch.  Some of these punches involved looking at people differently, recognizing why certain people were in my life to begin with and to let myself learn the tough lessons they had to teach me.  It also meant I had to face some of my oldest and most deeply rooted fears associated with not belonging, being unworthy, rejection and the big one - betrayal.

This work is not for the faint of heart.  It is tough.  It burns and tares and makes you feel like you might go crazy.  It takes faith.

One of my greatest accomplishments in this life has been to remain completely open hearted and empathetic towards people who have betrayed me, recognizing betrayal as a personal pattern that began very early in my life and that these individuals gave me the opportunity to spot and correct this pattern. To me, integrity is an internal thing.  It is about honoring personal truth in all situations, no matter who you are with!

So here is the super duper authentically positive bright side of all this!

Here I am in my mid-30's and my biggest fear is how fearless I am becoming.  Not the defiant "I am invincible" fearlessness of my youth.  I mean the realization that I can do anything I want and disrupt anything I want.  It's all fair game!

As it turns out, my purpose is to “disrupt” and to help others “disrupt”.

It's about being aligned with the way I see the world ... a playground of possibilities!   

This means, I change a lot!  It also means that people might not understand me or accept what I do and that if I take that on I am betraying myself by not honoring my truth.

To build resiliency for what will inevitably come I asked myself - "What if you just belonged to yourself and that was enough?”  “What if you simply belonged to the world and all of the people in it whether they reinforced this or not, is your choice?”  “What if you secretly just loved them all and by loving you just let them come and go as they please?”  "What if you loved yourself enough to also come and go as you please?"

Those questions have changed my life forever!

Right now I am chewing on the question “what from my Mormon upbringing do I value and want to hold close to my heart?”.  Im seeking to understand how much of my soul is actually Mormon and challenging myself to let those parts of myself shine wholeheartedly and without apology. 

This brings me to the title of my blog post, which is appropriately worded as a question.

If you could take a selfie of your soul, would you post it?

My answer to this is YES!  My soul is a gorgeous mess, in a constant state of disruption.  

Scroll back up and look at that selfie again.  That is my truth!  Anything else you see is probably your projection ... but even then, that's my perspective is likely to change again in the future.