C Sharp is for Charisma
Cognitive dissonance is the act of trying to live two conflicting imagines in one's head.
For me, cognitive dissonance surfaces with I do not balance charisma with character. I believe you can have both and working to give them both a place to shine, or even better to work together, is like walking a tight rope - it requires practice and skill and there is always risk.
My charisma is that magical pied piper in me that can rally large groups of people to venture down some new path of possibility. But we all know how that story ends, and it's not very pretty.
I remember reading that tale as a child and asking myself - what if the pied piper had used his magic for good?
As an adult I find myself continuously trying to understand what "doing the right thing" means and in situations that continue to expand in complexity.
C Flat is for Character
The only way to trust a character like like the pied piper is to know his strength of character. As it turns out, this is the only way for me to trust myself as well.
The word character is from Greek and it means to chisel or engrave. Character is not something you are born with, it is something you work on throughout your life and as life unfolds. Forging strength of character is an art and while there are many opinions out there about what having strong character means, having character is very often associated with having integrity.
Integrity Is How You Play
To me, integrity is about being in alignment with my authentic self. This then makes the pursuit of authenticity a simultaneous pursuit of character, so long as I am showing up authentically.
Recently I read the book Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box. I recommend it. The concepts are simple and easy to understand, it is a quick read.
In this book there is an emphasis on understanding self betrayal from a business perspective and outlines the following 7 steps to landing yourself "In the box".
- An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of "self betrayal".
- When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
- When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted.
- So - when I betray myself, I enter the box.
- Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
- By being in a box, I provoke others to be in the box.
- In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.
Now, you'll have to read the book to benefit from the wisdom shared relative to getting out of the box. But what I want to say here is that being "out of the box" is critical to fulfilling my purpose. That is why it is so important for me to 'self disrupt' when I am in one and that begins with and depends on the way I am behaving towards others.
You Can Suck My Flute
One key learning has been that pleasing people is different from empowering people, and that for me to try to please all the time is actually an act of "self betrayal" and a fast pass to my box of cognitive dissonance. The same thing happens when I try to please myself all the time too.
So long as I am focused on empowering myself and others, I feel wonderful. Even when empowerment means having tough conversations and addressing integrity head on. If you're coming at me with the expectation that I please you or a desire to be pleased, you can 'Suck My Flute'!
The stress associated with living out of integrity with one's self or managing a state of cognitive dissonance adds up very quickly - it ages you faster. And if you don't know how to get right with yourself you can find yourself swirling down the path of regrets.
Honesty and integrity are actually quite rare. I think there is a correlation with our youth obsessed, body & image culture. It's a mask over something profoundly deeper, a deep craving for integrity and the return of innocence lost. But this is tragic ... and it's all about perspective!
Signs of Character Are Instrumental!
Going back to the word character and it's origins. I see the chiseled and engraved marks of wisdom on the faces of people, the experience in their eyes, the grey in their hair ... I see all of these as hallmarks of character forged through a lifetime of falling into and breaking out of boxes.
I find these traits to be so attractive and inspiring ... on both men and women.
It takes a constant effort and focus to be honest with yourself and with others as life changes.
You need people around you who can be honest with you as you take risks, make leaps, back peddle, pivot, stop and then suddenly go ... everybody has to be ok with all of this amidst all of the chaos.
Here's another book I loved called 'Say Yes To the Mess - Surprising Leadership Lessons from Jazz
Allow me to back peddle, pivot and change my tune a moment.
In a prior blog post I wrote; "Here I am in my mid-30's and my biggest fear is how fearless I am becoming. Not the defiant "I am invincible" fearlessness of my youth. I mean the realization that I can do anything I want and disrupt anything I want. It's all fair game!"
After reflecting on that statement and journaling about fear I realized it was not entirely true.
A mentor once told me that courage is not about being fearless, it is about fearing the right thing at the right time for the right reason. When I journaled more about fear I discovered I feared a lot. But it wasn't what I thought it would be. I do not fear skydiving or speaking on camera or getting up in front of an audience and talking about vulnerable feelings.
I fear believing I am helpless & not living up to my potential, I fear not making the most of every opportunity or helping others make the most of theirs, I have anxiety about making appearances more important than reality and wonder if I go to far at times. I worry if Im communicating effectively and whether or not I am helping the people who depend on me be their best. I am afraid of being blind sided by the unexpected in a way that cripples me or the people who trust me.
Being data driven helps and seeking out facts and feedback helps but having strength of character is sometimes about measuring with your gut and your heart.
That being said I realized I needed an updated selfie of my soul and one that reflects these fears (pictured above).
Middle C is for Curiosity
This blog post was inspired by a question from a fan.
The question was; "How do you maintain your innocence in life?"
Even though I have fears and run the risk of cognitive dissonance if I don't walk the tight rope of charisma & character, even though I can fall into boxes like anybody else - there is one note in this pied piper's tune that keeps everything aimed towards something good in the long run.
Curiosity!
"Remembering that you are going to die one day is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. Follow your heart." - Steve Jobs
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